“The time has come,” the Walrus said,
“To talk of many things:
Of shoes—and ships—and sealing-wax—
Of cabbages—and kings—
And why the sea is boiling hot—
And whether pigs have wings.”

That part of the Lewis Carroll (creator of Alice in Wonderland) poem, “The Walrus and the Carpenter” came to mind a few days ago.  It’s an absurd poem and maybe that’s why we thought of it when the issue of golden tennis shoes became part of our absurdist political discussion a few days ago.

We have to find a word that is more fitting to these times than “unprecedented.”  Trump World has pulverized that word. It has become a sail possum word.

The sail possum theory is this (I usually apply the theory to over-covered news stories)—

Imagine on a hot August day you see an opossum in the road.  It appears to be dead and over a period of days traffic makes sure it is as cars and trucks run over the poor creature until all that is left is a pavement-baked and flattened piece of skin with some fur still attached so that someone can peel the remnants up off the pavement and sail it frisbee-like into the median.

That’s a sail possum.

“Unprecedented” has become a sail possum word because it has been applied to so many outrageous statements and actions of Trump World that repeatedly validates the phrase, “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.”

Case in point:

The time has come to talk of shoes.

Not in our wildest nightmares could we ever have conceived of the idea that the presumptive presidential nominee of one of our two major political parties would be hawking golden high-top tennis shoes to raise money to pay his legal bills.

And who will make them?  This bears close watch.  Allamerica.org put out a news release last December 11 that reported:

• 99% of all shoes sold in the United States are imported.
• 7 billion pairs of shoes were imported to the US in 2022 – an all-time record.
• 25 million pairs of shoes were manufactured in the US in 2022 – the US imports 108x more shoes than it produces.
• China is the top footwear importer to the US, exporting 1.6 billion pairs of shoes to the US in 2022. Vietnam, Indonesia, Cambodia, and India comprise the rest of the top five US importers – all unchanged from 2021.
• Over 81% of Americans want to buy shoes made in the USA vs. imported ones.
• Over 58% of Americans cite high prices and difficulty finding footwear made in the USA as their primary obstacles to buying.

The sneaker industry found the announcement peculiar, to say the least, but very typical of someone whose inconsistencies matter not to him.  Shosy Ciment, writing for Footwear News, refers to his announcement s “an ironic move for the politician who, during his presidency, introduced the burdensome Section 301 tariffs on China that have had a direct negative impact on the footwear industry in the U.S., which largely relies on imports from China.”  She comments, “These tariffs have constributed to soaring footwear prices in the U.S. and have hurt American businesses and working class consumers.”

The Footwear Distributors and Retailers of America calculates footwear prices went up 4.6 percent from 2021 to 2022, and an other two-tenths of a percent in ’23.

The President and CEO of the FDRA, Matt Priest, told Ciment, “[Trump] had a direct hand in driving up costs for consumers and sneakerheads alike that added an additional upwards of $20 billion in costs to those shoes.” Matt Priest, president and chief executive officer of FDRA, told FN in an interview.

President and CEO Steve Lamar of the American Aapparel and Footware Association said, “Americans also love affordable and authentic fashion, and that is why we continue to urge for a commonsense approach to tariffs – not the reckless tariff increases proposed by former President Trump should he be re-elected, or the reckless tariff increases former President Trump imposed when he was last in office.”

Affordability is a big issue, says the Allamerica.org survey. That doesn’t seem to count with the golden sneakers. Here’s a screenshot from ebay.com taken on February 20:

Note:  TWO  pair already had been sold at the absurd price of $45,000..

Forget about Air Jordans. Get your order in now for these Hot Air Trump Pumps.

Will the golden sneakers sold to pay legal bills help make America great again or will they help pay low-salaried shoemakers in China, Vietnam, Indonesia, Cambodia, and India?  And will they be made cheaply enough to maximize the profits—-and it’s going to take a LOT of profits to pay lawyers and to pay the damage assessments in fraud and defamation suits.

The longer we think about it, can we envision the reputed thousands who attend his rallies being the kind of folks who would wear red, white, and gold tennis shoes?

(To be honest, the red ones and the white ones kind of look pretty nice except for the logos on them.)

Will he wear ever wear them?  They’d really look great with his black suit, white shirt, and red tie, don’t you think?

It would help him identify with the common folks more, don’t you think? We sure don’t see may neckties and black suits in the audience at the rallies.

Some think these pricey slippers will make him increasingly acceptable to a particular demographic segment. FOX News contributor Raymond Arroyo opined the sneakers are “connecting with Black America because they love sneakers. This is a big deal, certainly in the inner city. So when you have Trump roll out his sneaker line, they’re like, ‘Wait a minute, this is cool.’ He’s reaching them on a level that defies and is above politics.”

Some folks find that kind of talk to be racist, among them MSNBC contributor Michael Steele, the first African-American to lead the Republican National committee,  who responded on MSNBC: “Seriously?  Why didn’t I think of this when I ran the RNC?  Let’s see.  Black folks love sneakers—and we can paint them gold.  This can’t miss! Trust me. It’s a big miss. And they ugly as Hell….Are they really this cynical over there at FOX?”

He seems to see Arroyo’s comments as political reductio ad absurdum, “reduction to absurdity.”

Wouldn’t Melania look stunningly fashionable in a pair as she shows her support for her spouse in his unprecedented financially difficult time although she likely wouldn’t be caught dead in the gold ones.

As for the red or white ones, in truth we probably will see them on her feet only when “pigs have wings.”

Oh, one other thing—there are no refunds and so far, there have been no delivery dates, which brings to mind more Latin—

Caveat Emptor, big time.