The message says, “Hi, it’s Don Jr. My father an….”
I don’t know any Don Juniors who would have my phone number. And the message doesn’t tell me why I should care about his father. He’s only an “an.”
An what?
An engineer?
An astronaut?
An animal lover who wants me to donate 19 dollars a month so I can get an adorable plush toy?
An alien?
And why would a Don Jr., address me, someone he’s never met (because I don’t think I ever met him) is so casual a way?
I’ve known several people named Don although I don’t know any Don Juniors, or I don’t think I do.
So I go on the internet and check several sites that will look up phone numbers and after each one of them takes several minutes of my time they want me to pay thirty dollars or something to find out who belongs to this number.
By now I’m thinking this must be a burner phone and we know burner phones are used by blackmailers and the like. But I know all of my family is safe so this must be a fake blackmailer—maybe one of those calls from someone who says, ”Grandpa, I’m down here in Alabama and I’ve been arrested and I need you to send me $500 to get out of jail.” I got one of those once and my “grandson” didn’t seem to know his first name so I began to think this was a con. So I hung up.
Well, I decided to open the message to see if Don Junior had a last name.
The rest of the sentence added a “d” to the “an.” And it told none other than Donald Trump Junior was concerned about my voting status. “My father and I (he didn’t mention his name so I wondered if there’s some reason he’s embarrassed to do so) need you to do one thing: update your voter verification record. Robert, go to—(hmmmm, I thought, this is strange. The only time anyone calls me “Robert” is when I have an appointment with someone on my increasingly long list of doctors that have accumulated with each passing year and a nurse says it’s my turn for whatever ceremony I’m about to undergo.).
Well, it gave me an email address to open but I didn’t at first because opening those unsolicited things means a raft of future emails that I move to the Spam folder without looking. But I gambled because Don’s dad must be a pretty important guy to want this kind of information from me.
So I took a gamble and clicked on it. It’s labeled “The Official 2025 Voter Verification Questionnaire,” and we all know that when the word “Official” is on something, it is not something to be ignored.
The message invited me to tap on a website—
And when I did, there popped up a picture of a very serious—in fact he looked pretty pitiful, like a lost soul who needed a shave—badly—Don Jr. (Remember Emmett Kelly, the famous circus clown known as “Weary Willie?” Well, he looked kind of like that although Don Jr. was dressed better.
Weary Willie always carried a head of lettuce that he gave a leaf from to people in the audience, symbolizing his good heart because all he could afford to give people was a lettuce leaf. I had my suspicion that Willie’s lettuce wasn’t the kind of lettuce we’d eventually get around to discussing in this “survey.”
His father—-again, his name was not mentioned so I wondered why he was hiding his father’s name—“needs every Republican reading this message to update their official voting record.” Then red ink—as in a dramatically increased federal deficit—the message said, “”With enough feed back nothing can stop us from making America great again.” I was asked to fill out a form that asked it I agreed that only American Citizens should be allowed to vote. I had only a yes-no choice but I would like have asked, “Who decides who is good enough to be an American citizen,” but Don apparently hoped I would fill out this form without thinking and I have some friends who think that would make me a regular MAGA person which I am not and besides it’s unfair to stereotype many otherwise intelligent people that way. Shame on my friend Don for wanting me to treat so many of my friends like that. I know them better than he does, apparently.
“Are you an American citizen?” was the next question. If I’m not why did you contact me? If I say “yes” are you going to have the Department of Homeland Security see if I lied?
“Could you prove your American citizenship?” Can you? Why should I trust someone who looks at me like a circus clown?
Please confirm my zip code. You have my area code and that ‘s enough. I expect to get a lot of phone calls at meal times from you and I don’t want to get mail.
Did I vote in the 2024 Presidential election? That’s supposed to be a secret, or have you bothered to read election laws? It’s none of your business.
If so, who did I vote for? President Trump, Kamala Harris (wait a minute. If Trump can carry a title for this election, shouldn’t my other choice be VICE PRESIDENT HARRIS just to put things on a courteous and equal footing.) I also thought that if I said I voted for “other,” there would be a following question asking if that person was a transexual, gay, brown or black or a question accusing me of perjury if I had indicated I really was a Republican (which I am not; I am a radical independent although using the word “radical” might be dangerous in this context.).
He wanted to know what state I voted in, if I voted. Well, he knows my area code so he must know where I voted, or where I likely voted, if a voted, so why ask?
Did I cast my vote by mail, in person, or did I not vote. You already know whether I voted so the last alternative is silly. Actually, I voted absentee because I might be out of town on election day (and I was. Just to make sure I was within the law, I drove outside the city limits, turned around and came home so I could say I was out of town—-although I think that qualification ended during the Pandemic.).
Do I want free and fair elections? I certainly do, which is why I find attempts to redraw congressional district just to benefit one old man who is scared that he might have to face some consequences if he doesn’t do all he can to do something he has falsely accused others of doing odious.
Do I think voters should have to show photo ID before voting? Ehhh. I have a driver’s license and I registered in person and the election folks at my precinct know me by name but, okay, if you insist, I’ll make sure I have a government issued ID card. My driver license will do it although I’ve lost some weight since the picture was taken.
Do I identify as a Republican? What’s a Republican these days? For that matter, what’s a Democrat? Why should I identify with either?
Do I support Free Speech? Of course I do. But your dad—I assume that’s who you’re asking all of this information for—apparently does not. So sue me. I’d be honored.
Do I believe big tech is censoring Republicans. Define big tech. Do Elon Musk and DOGE constitute big tech? Do I believe Republicans want to censor anybody who doesn’t worship a certain creator of monuments to himself? Ask the head of the FCC.
Do I believe our country is better off under President Biden and Kamala Harris? Have you noticed that they are not in charge of things anymore?
Which issue facing our country concerns you the most moving forward? Well, I think moving forward is a big issue.
And then we get down to the real reason that I should verify my voter record. “Can we count on you to give $10 to ensure Senate Republicans can fight back against extremist Democrats in the Senate?” No. In fact you should send me ten dollars for the time I spent filling out your fake “update.”
Plus, you said at the start your father wanted me to do only one thing. I would have filled in a lot of blanks, which is more than one thing. And then making a donation is another.
Don Junior, I am starting to think you weren’t honest with me from the start. But be assured that my opinion of you has not changed.
I was given a chance to contribute more. Let me calculate my hourly rate and I’ll let you know how much YOU owe ME for considering your, uh, survey.
At the bottom in little print is the notice that I had been given 25 minutes to ensure my response was recorded. However, ”the timer has expired, but you can still donate below!” And I was given several choices ranging from $35 to$1,000 or “other.”
And in little print I was told my contribution “will benefit the NRSC.”
“Nurse?” I muttered. What does this have to do with nursing? And why are nurses interested in my voting record?
Then this “survey” really goes off the rails because it warns me that those dirty Democrats are “ALWAYS fund raising. ALWAYS organizing. ALWAYS plotting their comeback.” Think of Snidely Whiplash, who surely must be a Democrat in the eyes of Willie—or, I mean Don Jr.
“The only answer is consistent monthly support from patriots who refuse to blink.”
I’m sorry, but this patriot is presently tied up supporting NPR and Public Broadcasting. When they raise funds, they don’t try to hide behind FAKE surveys.
Then there’s a FLASH POLL that doesn’t quite meet the standards most legitimate polls use to formulate questions. “Should Congress DEFUND every radical left-wing organization trying to destroy our democracy? Vote YES and pledge another gift…to help us win!”
Does “every radical left-wing organization mean I should not give money to the Democratic Party? Our two parties are in such disarray that I think I will make my donation to the Whigs.
Then we were told “Campaign Finance Law requires us to collect your employment information.” Which campaign law is that? And does it also require me to give you the phone number you asked for?
I’d prefer you not have it. I get enough calls about Medicaid while I’m trying to each breakfast, lunch, or dinner. I don’t need to be getting calls about nurses.
(Photo Credits: Emmett Kelly—State Historical Society of Missouri; Snidely—ClipArtMax.com; Don Junior—Don Junior, I guess)
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