Gaining Face 

Well, I’ve finally gone and done it.

For many years, Nancy has been on  Facebook.  When people have asked me if I am, too, my answer has been, “No, I have a life.”

But as of December 12, 2023, I have joined the 21st Century. Or at least stuck my toe in 21st Century waters. Nancy helped me put together a Facebook page.  I wudn’ta done it except she had just discovered a thing called Diabetes 101, which has a lot of information about, well, you can see the name.

We were in Kansas City to record some podcasts for the Missouri Bar (called Is it Legal to…?  They’re programs that explain the law in language you and I can understand, people who didn’t to go law school to learn all of the clever Latin words that are used to refer to something that can just as easily be explained in English but using Latin emphasizes that the speaker or writer is learn-ed.  You might check them out. I think they’re interesting.).  We had had some really mediocre barbecue at the place in Crown Center that is not Arthur Bryants’ or Gates’ for dinner on September 14 and I woke up the next morning very thirsty.  Breakfast included two glasses of orange juice and a glass of water and I consumed water all day like a camel and got rid of it like a race horse. Blood draws on two days the next week showed very high blood sugar rates and a loss of thirteen pounds in three weeks and I was told to get a finger-punching kit and a prescription for insulin filled.  Right now. I don’t know the exact hour but I do know the exact date that I became a Diabetic.

Since then I’ve met scads of people who have been dealing with this thing for decades.  I’ve learned from them and from personal experience it’s not bad.  But it does change one’s lifestyle.

For instance—-the Girl Scouts have just lost a significant customer.  I used to buy Thin Mints by the case and keep them under my desk at the Missourinet, breaking out a box to celebrate a good day or a great story or just to pep up the staff.  Goodbye Thin Mints.  And Oreos. And big cups  of Black Walnut ice cream at Central Dairy.

BUT one day last week I had two (2) Sausage-Egg McMuffins at McDonald’s—just without the muffin.  Early on, my spirits were lifted when I learned I could have chili and popcorn. I’ve been to Wendy’s a few times since and I’ve developed a tremendous desire to go see a movie but the offerings at our local theatre at this time of year have been ghastly. The closing of our favorite drug store cut off my main supply of daytime popcorn. We’ve been binge-watching a TV show about a public hospital in New York, New Amsterdam (until the next season of Grey’s Anatomy is released) and streaming programs on ACORN such as Martin Clunes’ (of Doc Martin fame) called “Man and Beast” instead of going to the movies.  But the experience is popcornless. Roku is a wonderful invention.

I’m doing fine.  Nancy has bought me several pairs of pants that will stay up (I’ve kept losing weight, 30 or 35 pounds or so).  And I’m about to become acquainted with some additional doctors of new specialties previously unencountered.  I’ve learned a lot of other people are in the same sugar-free boat I’m in and they’ve been rowing it for many, many years.  So that’s comforting.  And I don’t feel badly.  But creating a whole new diet that involves things I like to taste is an ongoing adventure.  I haven’t had real milk since September; that’s what I miss the most.  We got through Thanksgiving just fine and I wasn’t bothered too much watching other people eat dressing and mashed potatoes with gravy, and cranberry stuff out of a can.  Nancy made a pumpkin pie I could eat, as long as I didn’t eat the crust.

Peanut Butter, crunchy, has become a major part of my life.

So where was I?   Oh.  Facebook.

Well anyway, I’m there.  I’ll probably use it to tell people what’s on the blog next week and I’ll probably be a regular viewer of Diabetes 101.  Friend me if you’d like but we are not going to spend our days exchanging selfies or passing along cute cartoons or the latest editions of Wal-Martians.

I’m just showing folks a new Face. I’ll be friendly. But I have my own life and I’m going to keep living it for a good long time.

BINGEING

We’ll be assessing the impact of the pandemic on our lifestyles for many years.  Two of the most obvious changes involve working from home and how we were, and are, entertained.

This household involves retired people so we are always “working” from home. Nancy’s “work” was carefully scheduling well-planned trips to the grocery store, usually as I recall early on Tuesday mornings because the shelves were re-stocked overnight and it was important to get first shot at the necessities—-which sometimes were not on the strictly grocery shelves.

Can’t do without toilet paper, you know.  We long ago threw away our old catalogs from Sears, Penney’s and Montgomery Ward (did you know that the company name was actually the middle and last names of the founder, Aaron Montgomery Ward?) and we didn’t save the cobs from the sweet corn we enjoyed in the summer months.  There hadn’t been a Montgomery Ward catalog since 1985 so that supply would have been used up or discarded years before the pandemic.

Excuse the wandering.  One does that in old age.

Anyway, we—as many of you—became binge-watchers.  Our Roku device allowed us to watch all of the episodes of a series in a string of evenings.  No more waiting for next week’s episode of Downton Abbey or Doc Martin or Gray’s Anatomy or Foyle’s War.

Everybody we know thinks Yellowstone is great. We’ve tried about three times and can’t get into it.  Longmire, however, now that’s a good show!

The Crown has been good.  Outlander is especially good for one member of the house who has read books.  Finding Your Roots is interesting. And we enjoyed all of the episodes of Boston Legal.

Earlier this year we finally got up to date with Grey’s Anatomy.  Then the writers and actors went on strike and we haven’t been able to learn if Meredith Grey will find love in Boston and whether Owen Hunt finds happiness with anybody.

The pandemic wasn’t good for the cable television industry because it increased awareness by consumers that we don’t need to keep making increasingly higher monthly rates for dozens of shopping and God channels we have no interest in watching.

Thirty years ago, or so, the Missourinet gave me the summer off to develop a Missouri cable TV channel that would have been a cross between C-SPAN, CNN, and ESPN.  The idea was to let Missourians watch the legislature work, develop Missouri-interest programs (we had ideas for telecasting from various summer festivals, featuring concerts here and there, even do documentaries on various topics), pick up evening newscasts from the TV markets and broadcast them throughout the night, and cover state high school sports playoffs and re-play Missouri football games the next day—stuff like that.

When we pitched the idea to the Missouri Cable Television Association—whose executive director supported our idea—and said we could do it for the cost of one big bag of M&Ms with peanuts per customer per month, the operators of the cable systems looked at us as if we were telephone poles.

I went to the National Cable Television Association’s summer convention to learn more about the industry and my most vivid recollection is the association president talking about the coming of ala carte viewing and how the industry needed to be prepared for the day.

Well, it’s here.

“Cutting the cord,” gained momentum during the pandemic as more and more people discovered the joys of binge-watching. And while it’s great for you and me, it’s increasingly problematic for the people who provide us with that entertainment.

It used to be that we knew what shows were on what networks on which nights.  Today we don’t have the foggiest notion what’s on the regular networks other than Monday Night Football is still on Mondays and the late-night shows start at about 10:30 if we’re awake for them.  Oh, and Sixty Minutes is still on Sunday nights at a regular time unless football pushes it back.

And we still went to movie theatres.  And sat next to people, or in front of them or behnd them.

Nancy got irritated with me because I wouldn’t explain what was going on in some movies—The English Patient was especially puzzling.  I had seen it earlier when on a business trip to the nation’s capital so I knew the answer to all her questions was at the end.  But I didn’t want to explain anything because it would irritate people around us.

Been to a movie theatre lately.  Who’s there to irritate?

We, and probably most of you, don’t wait for weekly episodes of a lot of series TV.  We just wait for the producers to drop the entire season on one of our ROKU channels and we binge watch the whole season in a few nights.

And we really enjoy some of the short series programs that seem mostly to be on channels from the United Kingdom.  But more and more of the streaming channels are producing their own products.  “The Queen’s Gambit,” for example—a seven-episode series on Netflix in 2020 that became the channel’s top program in 63 countries, netted eleven Primetime Emmy Awards, one of which was the award for Outstanding Limited or Anthology Series and marked the first time a show on a streaming service won that award.  It also racked up Golden Globe and Screen Actors Guild awards.

Netflix became a change agent in all of our lives.  A recent New York Times article explained what happened.

But we’re tired of writing this entry so you’ll have to wait for the next one to see where we’re going.

Sorry, binge-blogging isn’t offered here.  At least, not today.

 

Bigots are People, Too

And don’t they deserve to be represented in our Congress just as the rest of are?  Those of us who are saints?

One person’s bigot is another person’s saint.  But which one is which?

The question has been played out in our dysfunctional Congress where easy name-calling has taken the place of hard work and consensus.

Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia might have grounds to complain about bigot-abuse after Vermont Congresswoman Becca Balint of Vermont went off on her a few days ago on the floor of the House of Representatives.  And Representative Rashida Tlaib of Minnesota might complain of bigot-abuse from Greene. In fact she has. We’ll get to that later.

Greene had introduced a resolution to censure Representative Tlaib, a Muslim, for participating in a pro-Palestine rally that Greene claims is “an anti-American and anti-Semitic Insurrection.” She also claimed that Tlaib “followed Hezbollah’s orders to carry out a day of unprecedented anger.”  It took her five minutes to explain her resolution.

Video: Marjorie Taylor Greene Introduces Resolution to Censure Rashida Tlaib | C-SPAN.org

Balint was on the floor hours later with her counter-resolution that took her eleven minutes to sum up what she sees as Green’s sins.

Video: Rep. Balint Offers Resolution Censuring Marjorie Taylor Greene | C-SPAN.org

Tlaib has called Greene’s resolution “unhinged” and has said it is “deeply Islamaphobic and attacks peaceful Jewish anti-war advocates” who want a cease-fire between Israel and Gaza. “I will not be bullied, I will not be dehumanized, and I will not be silenced,” she said. “I will continue to call for ceasefire, for the immediate delivery of humanitarian aid, for the release of hostages and those arbitrarily detained, and for every American to be brought home. I will continue to work for a just and lasting peace that upholds the human rights and dignity of all people, and ensures that no person, no child has to suffer or live in fear of violence.”

This exchange puts us in mind of a song from the motion picture South Pacific.

(Video) You’ve Got to Be Carefully Taught – Song from South Pacific by Rodgers & Hammerstein (rodgersandhammerstein.com)

Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein were attacked, especially in the South, for putting the song in the musical.  James Michener, who wrote the story in his book Tales of the South Pacific on which the play was based, told Hammerstein biographer, “The authors replied stubbornly that this number represented why they had wanted to do this play, and even if it meant the failure of the production, it was going to stay in.”

When the play was presented in Georgia, State Representative David C. Jones considered the son a threat to the American way of life because it sanctioned interracial marriage. Some suggested the song was inspired by Communists.

Hammerstein wrote to one critic, “I am most anxious to make the point not only that prejudice exists and is a problem, but that its birth in teaching and not in the fallacious belief that there are basic biological and psychological and mental differences between the races.”

The play came out in 1949.  The movie came out in 1958. The song was kept for the film. It has been recorded many times since in various forms.  And the lyrics are still powerful.  And accurate.

You’ve got to be taught
To hate and fear,
You’ve got to be taught
From year to year,
It’s got to be drummed
In your dear little ear
You’ve got to be carefully taught.

You’ve got to be taught to be afraid
Of people whose eyes are oddly made,
And people whose skin is a diff’rent shade,
You’ve got to be carefully taught.

You’ve got to be taught before it’s too late,
Before you are six or seven or eight,
To hate all the people your relatives hate,
You’ve got to be carefully taught

In today’s world we see the accuracy of this song being played out in so many places, even in the halls of our national government and in some of our statehouses.  We see blatant efforts being made to make sure our children—and even we adults—are “carefully taught,” and we are seeing some places, including some of our pulpits, where edicts and laws are being issued to make sure  our children and our grandchildren are “carefully taught” to “hate and fear.”

Maintaining silence in the face of those who profit personally or politically by that careful teaching should never be an option. Let us be  unafraid to learn our history, warts and all as Tom Benton would put it.

OMG!!!

While our Congress has been acting like children who should be spanked and sent to bed without dinner—

While the Israel and Hamas are blowing each other up===

While Ukraine is hoping to hold on somehow to its own survival—

While hurricanes are growing more severe, water shortages are getting more serious, millions of people are still starving in Africa, China is building islands in the South Pacific to extend its reach, gas prices are as difficult to understand as airline fares, and Covid is on the rise again—

It is news that baseball great Alex Rodriguez has

Ta-dah!!!!

Gum disease!

Oh, the horror.

“I just recently went to see my dentist and not thinking anything about any gum disease and the dentist tells me the news, and then I come to find out over 65 million Americans have this gum disease.”

He made the heart-stopping announcement on the “CBS Mornings show a few days ago.

But it’s only early-stage gum disease.

Whew…..we were really concerned until we learned it’s been caught early and is treatable.

As sometimes happens when big star people contract some dreaded disease, A-Rod, as he’s called, is becoming a mouthpiece for a cause.  He has “partnered” with OraPharma, a  health products company to increase public knowledge about this ailment.

(We wonder if he knew he had gum disease before OraPharma contacted his agent.)

His advice:

See your dentist for regular checks.  And take care of your teeth.

You bet, A-Rod.  I’ve already made my next dental appointment. It will be in December.

But there are other major ailments that require celebrity spokespeople with courage enough to go public with their problem so the public will be more aware and seek proper medical attention.

Hangnails.

Ingrown toenails

Dandruff

Think of the possibilities for TV commercials with your favorite sports stars or has-been sports stars elbowing their way between insurance, patent medicine, and medicare commercials.  We need the variety.  Flo and Doug and their associates are getting so monotonous.

In A-Rod’s case, be watching for him telling you that Arestin and Ossix are essential fighters for good oral health.

But until that happens, we hope you’ll send your thoughts and prayers to A-Rod as he enters a long fight against his early stage gum disease.

 

Today’s Adlai 

Last week we introduced you Adlai Stevenson, grandson of as United States Vice President, two-time presidential candidate, and historic UN representative for our country.  And we said we’d ponder some of the things he says before more of the modest number of readers of these columns were born.  His intelligence and his eloquence are, in some cases (perhaps too many) accurate for our times.  Such is the case of these remarks delivered in 1948, seventy-five years ago, in Springfield, Illinois, when he was the governor of the state:

Ours is a sad, disillusioned world.  Too many people on this blood-soaked, battered globe live in constant fear and dread; fear of hunger and want, dread of oppression and slavery.  Poverty, starvation, disease and repression stalk the world, and over us all hangs the mence of war like a gloomy shroud. But everywhere people cling to their hope and their faith in freedom and justice and peace—though fear, anguish, even death are their daily lot.

The remarks were three years after the end of a worldwide war when Europe was still putting its civilization back together after the scourge of Naziism presumably had been wiped out and only two years after Winston Churchill had warned in Fulton, Missouri that a new war, a Cold War, was underway as the Soviet Union expanded its borders.

Japan was a two-time nuclear victim and the idea that other nations would develop an A-bomb cast a frightening shadow on our futures.  The next year, on August 29, 1949, The Soviet Union conducted its first successful test of a bomb—based on the design of our “Fat Man” A-bomb.

In many ways, we still live in the world of 1948 and 1949.  Millions still live in constant fear; millions seek relief from “fear of hunger and want, dread of oppression and slavery.”

Our world has gotten smaller.  No longer are those living with these fears confined to their faraway continents.

And we have people in this country who seek to stoke fear within all of us of THEM, the people the Greatest Generation wanted to help at home and abroad when Stevenson made his speech.

In another speech we’ll refer to at another time, Stevenson spoke of the need for Christian humility.

Christian humility.

Where is it in our country today?

And why isn’t it more in evidence among those who expect us to let them lead us?

 

 

 

It’s a holiday

And for the first time ever, the blog is taking the day off.

We’ll be back with sports tomorrow and on Wednesday we’ll offer more penetrating analysis of something or other.

But we don’t want you to go away unenlightened. 

This is one of the great places on old Highway 66, which runs parallel to Interstate 44 as one crosses from Oklahoma to the panhandle of Texas.  Or as two or three or more cross into the panhandle.

It’s just down the street from the Dairy Queen in Shamrock, Texas—where we stop for foot-long chili dogs and Dilly Bars, if we time it right for lunch on the way to New Mexico.

Shamrock is a real little town.  Wish it had enough money to bury that power line.

Your faithful correspondent and observer of the passing scene,

b

Could we survive yesterday?

Someone asked me the other day, “If you could go back 150 years, what would be the first things you would notice?”

It took me about two seconds to come up with an answer—because I’ve sometimes thought it would be interesting to be able to go back as an invisible observer of the past.

“Color,” I said. “And smells.”

“And the water would kill us.”

The images with which we are most familiar are all one-dimensional and black and white.  Take that picture of great-great-grandfather and grandmother and imagine what a shock it would be to meet them on the street, in three dimensions, their flesh the same color as yours, eyes (perhaps) the same color as yours, hair—-well it might be the same color but it also might be pretty greasy with the men and not particularly clean with the women.

And they likely would have an odor about them, especially if you met them at this time of year.  Stale sweat for one.  Showers were unknown in most homes (indoor plumbing of any kind). Bathtubs were not as well-used as our tubs and showers are now.  Underarm deodorant was nonexistent.  Mum was the first underarm deodorant, and it didn’t come along until 1888, a paste applied under the arms, by hand.  Deodorant, not anti-perspirant.

Underwear probably went a few days before changing.

In those days, if everybody stank, nobody stank.

Last year, I was on the town square in Springfield, Illinois and I noticed a sign on one of the historic buildings denoting it as the former home of the Corneau and Diller Drug Store. The sign said the store had been opened in 1849 by Roland W. Diller and Charles S. Corneau, who installed a big wood stove circled by chairs, making the pace a popular place for mento gather and swap stories or discuss events of the day including politics, a subject that was appealing to Abraham Lincoln, whose law office was a short walk away.

Wife Mary purchased toiletries there “such as bear’s oil, ox, marrow, ‘French Chalk’ for her complexion, a patent hairdressing called ‘Zylobalsam,’ and ‘Mrs. Allen’s Restorative.”

It continues: “Because daily bathing was not yet customary, the Lincolns—like most other people—bought cologne by the quart!”

Visitors to the Steamboat Arabia Museum in Kansas City can purchase 1856 French Perfume.  It’s not the real stuff that was found when the boat was excavated but it is a reproduction.  The museum sent a bottle of some of the real stuff to a laboratory in New York that did a chemical analysis and reproduced the perfume.

It’s strong stuff.  But for hundreds of years, perfume often was not the olfactory decoration and attraction that it is today; it was a masking agent sometimes poured on and sometimes used to soak kerchiefs that were kept up the sleeves and used to waft away some personal unpleasantness of a companion.

So color and odor would be the first things to jolt us if we went back 150 years.

But the smells would not be confined to the people you meet on the streets.  The streets themselves would be pretty rank.

The New York Almanack published an article a couple of years ago observing that the city had 150,000 to 200,000 horses, each of which produced “up to 30 pounds of manure per day and a quart of urine…over 100,000 tons a year (not to mention around 10 million gallons of urine.”

“By the end of the 19th century, vacant lots around New York City housed manure piles that reached 40 or 60 feet high. It was estimated that in a few decades, every street would have manure piled up to third story levels.”

Jefferson City’s streets didn’t produce that much manure and urine.  But New  York’s problems were the problems of every city in the country, including the capital city.

The manure on the dirt streets (such as High Street in Jefferson City) attracted flies by the thousands, millions.  New York once estimated that three-billion flies were hatched from street poop every day.  They were disease carriers. The dust from the streets and the dried manure mingled in the air, was inhaled and worn on the clothing.

And when it rained in the summer or when the show thawed in the winter, the streets turned into a gluey muck that was tracked into every business and home in town—except for the ones that required footwear to be removed before or upon entering—at which point socks that weren’t changed daily added their own atmosphere to life.

These conditions led to the rise in some communities of a new institution—the country club.  People needed a place in the country where they could breathe clean air, at least for a day or two.  Golf courses and horse-racing tracks developed outside of towns.

Missouri Governor Herbert Hadley, who suffered from a lung disease—pleurisy—bought a farm west of town and several prominent residents gathered one weekend for a big barn raising and cabin-building.  Later, a nine-hole golf course was created and thus was born the Jefferson City Country Club.

Sanitary sewer systems were rare. Homes had outhouses, often not far from the well that provided the house with water.

If we went back 150 years and took a drink of the water of the day, we probably would choke on the taste and if we dank a little too much, we might just die of a water-borne disease.  Even with natural immunity that residents of those times developed, the average life expectancy in the United States in 1880 was 40, a good part of it because of high infant mortality and primitive obstetrics that led to high mortality rates for women giving birth.

We forget how tough, how strong, our ancestors had to be to survive in such an environment.  The Missouri State Penitentiary kept a log of every Confederate prisoner it took in.  The average prisoner was 5-feet-7 and weighed 140 pounds.  Women prisoners averaged 4-feet-11.

Imagine wearing a wool uniform, marching ten or 20 miles a day carrying a heavy rifle and a 50-pound backpack, eating unrefrigerated rations and drinking whatever water you could find, even if it was downstream from a cattle farm.

The good old days weren’t very good.  The problem with going back to them is that we might not live long enough to return.

 

Notes From a Quiet—

Road.

Your traveling correspondent has been on the road for a month, from Cincinnati and Indianapolis to Illinois to Colorado and Texas.

He has not been to Auxvasse.

Auxvasse is the home to 1,001 people.  At least it was in the most recent census.  It has a total area of three-quarters of a square mile.  It’s a few miles north of Kingdom City, the crossroads of Missouri.  You might catch a glimpse of its former small business district as you flash past it on Highway 54.  The town tavern has survived.

It originally was called Clinton City when it was platted in 1873 but changed its name to honor a nearby creek because the postal service was easily confused by the presence of another town in Missouri named Clinton, with no “city” on the end. It has had a post office since 1874. It is the largest populated area in Jackson Township of Callaway County.

Blogger Tom Dryden, who might be the most famous person to come from Auxvasse—because of his blog—notes that the town website refers to the community as “the third largest fourth class city” in the county.  He says I have been pronouncing its name incorrectly, Oh-vawz.  No, it’s “Of auze.”

Dryden wrote a loving tribute to his hometown in his October 23, 2016 entry. I suggest you check him out at TOMDRYDEN.COM.  He has written some other things about the town and its people, too.

Dryden admits the town is so insignificant he cannot convince his car’s GPS system that it exists, which led him to concede in his May 14, 2012 blog entry, “When you’re from Auxvasse, you can’t go home again.”

I can appreciate his love for his town because I grew up in a couple of small towns in Illinois—one of about 1,500 people (Mt. Pulaski) and the other of about 3,300 when we moved there (Sullivan), probably considered big cities when Tom was a kid.

Now I live in a REALLY big city. Jefferson City (43,228 people in the most recent census).  And Auxvasse has been irritating me for decades.

(By the way, we made an interesting discovery on our way back from Albuquerque last weekend.  We drove through Wichita, which has a listed population of 397,552 in the 2020 census.  St. Louis claims 301,578.  Wichita, Kansas is bigger than St. Louis!!.  Sedgewick County can’t hold a candle to St. Louis County, though, so St. Louis is still a bigger metro area)

Tom Dryden’s GPS doesn’t know where Auxvasse is. But he’s wrong. He CAN go home again. The Missouri Department of Transportation makes sure of that. Interstate 70 exit 148 has a big green sign—

Maybe it’s a conversation piece designed to keep drivers bored by hundreds of miles of billboard-ugly, mostly straight, highway alert by trying to figure out (a) how to pronounce that top word and (b) why it is important enough to be on the highway sign.

“Hey, Maude, get out yer Triple-A guidebook and look up Ox-Vassy and see what’s there.”

“It’s not listed, Claude.”

“They why do you suppose Missouri wants you to go there?”

Well, why does it?

Why doesn’t the sign say “Jefferson City?”  It’s only the state capital, you know.  It’s only the place where the department has its headquarters.

Heck, with Kingdom City’s development into almost-Effingham West, why isn’t Kingdom City on the sign?

We are left to ponder whether Auxvasse has the distinction of being the smallest town in Missouri, or in America, to be listed on an Interstate Highway exit ramp sign.

But it just irritates the sock off me that Jefferson City apparently is less important to the department than Auxvasse is.   I will confess, however, that there have been some times when I’m just one more tired and semi-dangerous driver on the road late at night, that seeing that sign has kicked up the mental processes just enough to make it the last 30 miles or so home safely.  That and the Coke I get at the Kingdom City McDonald’s drive-through window.

Congratulations to Auxvasse, though.  Every day, tens of thousands of people go past a sign that says it is more significant than the capital city of the state. If I lived in Auxvasse, I’d be proud of that.

-0-

 

 

 

 

Lost, Strayed, or Stolen

I have often said computers are wonderful things because they can teach us new and innovative ways to cuss.

A few days ago as I was moving a bunch of pictures into a new file, they wound up in the wrong place.  In getting out of that place I appear to have hit a key that wiped out my shortcut to the files of great thoughts that I have prepared for this space.

I have been assured by my Geek Squad consultant that the files are not lost. They have just strayed into an unknown place.  I would offer a reward for their return if I thought they were stolen. So,while I am searching I will be able to post only new lightning strikes of wisdom.  And since Nancy and I shall be traveling for a few days the search will be suspended.

But I have found that travel can produce new wisdoms.

Years ago, in the so-called Golden Days of Radio, there was a popular show called “Mr. Keane, Tracer of Lost Persons.”  The comedy trio of Bob & Ray parodied the show with a routine called “Mr. Trace, Keener than Most Persons.”

Should any of you be more “Mr. Trace” than “Mr Keane,” your suggestions will be appreciated.

Unfortunately, the only reward will be getting to read the lost wisdom.

 

Remembering the Shade Tree Mechanic

You have to own a really old car these days to do your own significant repairs.

Back when I was in college, there was a day when I helped someone replace a head gasket on their car’s engine.  We did it in the yard, under a shade tree, on a warm July day.

Changing the oil, changing the spark plugs, replacing burned out bulbs in the tail lights—-simple enough work; putting on a new head gasket was a little more complicated, but it would be done.

When I bought my car  nine years ago (gasp!), I popped open the hood about the second or third time I got gas so I could check the oil.  I spent several minutes trying to find the dipstick.

Heck, I couldn’t even find the engine!  It was, and is, under some big plastic cover. The only things readily visible were the radiator overflow tank, the windshield washer fluid reservoir, and access to one pole on the battery.

I got frustrated and resorted to reading the owner’s manual.

My car does not have a dipstick.

If I want to check the oil I have to turn on the car, turn a knob that brings up the correct maintenance category on the screen, scroll down until I get to “oil,” and it tells me how much I have left and how many miles I can go before I need to add more.

I have had my car now for more than nine years.  I bet I haven’t opened the hood more than ten times for anything other than cleaning dead leaves out of the windshield wiper resting areas and pouring stuff into the windshield washer fluid reservoir.

A few days ago I got a warning on my dashboard that my right turn signal wasn’t working correctly.  A few days later my dashboard told me my right brake light wasn’t working correctly either.

Understand that I am no more mechanically oriented that my cat is capable of typing Hamlet on my computer.  So I took the car to the dealership in Columbia where, after it was plugged into a shop computer, the dealership learned that indeed, my turn signal and tail light weren’t working.  The cost of this computer diagnosis was $99.

In the old days I would have had Nancy go stand at the right rear corner of the car and I would ask her to tell me if the lights were working.

Then the service manager told me they couldn’t fix the car that day because they had to order a new taillight assembly.   So I’m headed back to Columbia Wednesday, the seventh day after paying $99 dollars to have a computer tell me something Nancy would have told me for free.

And replacing a light bulb is out of the question.  I need a whole new “assembly.”   I don’t know how much the assembly will cost or how much the labor will be to install it.

Probably a whole lot more than I would have spent at the local auto parts store for two light bulbs in the old days.