Right next to a 10-foot high skeleton to put in your front yard for Halloween.
(We have some folks in our neighborhood who leave their skeleton up year around. They dress it as Santa Claus for Christmas. I think during the summer it had a bandanna and one of its bony hands was holding a plant-watering can.)
Our first Christmas catalogue arrived last week. Maybe it was the second one after the Vermont Country Store.
Well, it was ONE of the first.
One of the things for sale in some of the Christmas catalogs is t-shirts.
Think about that.
It’s December, headed to the worst month of the year, January, and they’re peddling t-shirts!
Most of them in this particular catalog have clever things but one must be careful spending too much time reading them when worn by certain people, if you get my drift. We get some catalogs that have t-shirts that I am embarrassed to see people wearing in public. They’re the kind that you wear only to a boisterous late party that ends with a lot of people driving home who shouldn’t be driving.
A lot of the more civilized t-shirts focus on family and pets and soft stuff like that. This catalog was long on family values.
“My secret ingredient is TAKEOUT” says the first one. Another quotes a non-religious scripture: “I’m Cold Me 24:7”
Here are some other messages, personal billboards that we can wear, if you will.
In my defense, I was left unsupervised
Some see a weed. Others see a wish
Baking is my favorite sport
Sarcasm: It’s how I hug
A day without a book is like (just kidding, I have no idea)
Books: the original hand-held device
Fishing rods are like potato chips. You can’t have just one
Engineer: solving problems you didn’t know you had in ways you can’t understand.
Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup
Being a trophy husband is exhausting.
I survived the 60s twice
Emotional support husband. Do not pet
Either you love dogs or you’re wrong.
If you think I’m short you should see my patience
Being a functional adult everyday seems a bit excessive
Underestimate me. That’ll be fun
Often mistaken for an adult because of my age
I don’t want to go through things that don’t kill me but make me stronger anymore
It’s weird being the same age as old people
Bigfoot saw me, but nobody believes him
Glossary of Engioneering terms: Percussive maintenance (whack it with your fist); high impedance air gap (it’s not plugged in); Cycle power to the panel (turn it off, then on again); Thermally reconfigured (it melted); Kinetic disassembly (it blew up)
Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things
Please be patient, I’m form the 1900s
The garden is calling and I must go
(for the next day): Dirt nerd
90 percent of being married is yelling, “WHAT?” from the other room
When I woke up this morning I had no plans to be AWESOME. This just happened.
Medicine heals the body. Dogs heal the soul
My birthstone is a block of cheese
I’ve lost my mind. I’m pretty sure the kids took it
Always hike in groups. Bears like options.
There are several plaques but my favorite one says. “Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says ‘Oh crap. She’s up!’”
(The catalog in this instance is called “Signals,” and it comes to many people who support public broadcasting.)